My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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