found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
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You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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