I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
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I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
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Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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