Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
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You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
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I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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