You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
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I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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