That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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