Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
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