all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
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Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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