nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
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It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
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Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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