I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize