2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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