That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
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I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
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she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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