this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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