yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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