My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
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Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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