took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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