Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I am midnight drunk by noon
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Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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