So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
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Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
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That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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