Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
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youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
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Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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