Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
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He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
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The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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