Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize