Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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