I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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