Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
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My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
false alarm, still single
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