I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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