My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
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It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
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I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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