I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
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You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
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You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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