ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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