i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
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they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
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It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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