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Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
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