Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
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Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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