it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
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But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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