Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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