On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
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then he tried to convert me to islam
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
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I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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