Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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