is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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