so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Did I show you my penis last night?
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Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
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I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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