you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize