They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize