Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
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