today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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