I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize