we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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