I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
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