Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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