i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize