Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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