I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
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Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
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I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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