I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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