remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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